Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
