I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
