I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
