i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
