Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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