I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
