Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
