How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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