Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
