my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
