remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
