dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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