I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
