um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sober January is a disaster.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
