His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
