the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
