What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
