I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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