I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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