You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Porn is love you can see.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
