Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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