when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
