hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
