I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
