is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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