I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
