Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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