Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
