My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
