my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
