I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
