The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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