Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
