You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
