God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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