Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
