I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
