is your mom at the bar?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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