There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
