i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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