I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
