what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
