; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
