Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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