When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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