you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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