Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
vagina is talking i cant
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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