Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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