We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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