u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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